These are the winners from Washington Post.
Coffee: the person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted: appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
Abdicate: to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade: to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Negligent: absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
Lymph: to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle: olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence: emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash: a rapidly receding hairline
Testicle: a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude: the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
Pokemon: a Rastafarian proctologist.
Oyster: a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism: the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
Circumvent: an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.