When did it change?

We know it is just an art. Plain paper and ink, modified into a monkey with a mace and a man with bows and arrows, endowed with a very feminine face. A stone, sculpted to look like a female, holding a veena. For the guy who painted /sculpted, it was just yet another poster/stone and does not signify God. For others, it becomes irreverent. The morphing takes place somewhere in between.

We moved last week with all the photos of various deities(supposedly) in a cardboard box. When the time came for their settlement in the new house, a new bookcase was bought, just to fit them all in, especially the newly gifted Gold plated ones. The gold makes them even more good looking and pious, I assume. While being arranged by MIL, you could see the gold was in the forefront and others taking a slight back seat. It is not just the gold, it is the fancy of the new. Like when we get a new dress. I am sure my Hanuman was feeling bad till I saved the day for him, by requesting him to be brought to the forefront. And once morphed into these photos of deities, it is tough to throw them out. I have age old calendars with deity photos and ‘n’ number of Ganesha idols, that can never be thrown into the garbage.

I have never been able to read the “Kandha Sashti” ( a tamil shloka on Lord subramania) without laughing out loud and yet I read the Hanuman Chalisa whenever I can. When I visited Shirdi, after all the hustling and jostling, I got to see baba’s statue and felt very foolish. It is the same marble sculpture as the one in Santa Clara, except that Shirdi was where he died. I felt even more so, when I bought some prasad in one of the stores there. My instincts did not let me eat them. It was just some sugar cubes, the way I look at it.

We can believe in a super natural power or not. I call God’s grace the thread of hope by which we hang during moments of helplessness. And we are conditioned for that from childhood.My shirdi baba, hanuman, raghavendra,ganapathy and all the multitudes of photos will still be worshipped once a week,despite knowing that they are only photos. And I will continue wearing the red thread on my wrist.Confused? Yes. Agnostic? No.

 

Teenagerized

Over the weekend, we attended a Tamil light music concert by a local bay area troupe.It was a tribute to Ilayaraja, so quite a few songs were from the 80s. Melodious, awesome ones. We were humming for most of the songs and singing quite a few of them too. When they sang “Nila Adhu Vanatha Mele“( A song from the movie Nayakan), both Suresh and I were singing the whole song, not missing even one single line. I don’t remember many details from my school days, but I remember every single lyric of that song. I was in 8th grade when the movie was released and remember singing that song day in and day out.

Isn’t it interesting how the brain/mind works? It is what we perceive as a teenager that stays in our mind. Most of us think that the songs from our teenage era are the best ones. No wonder people were criticizing the latest “Mile Sur Mera Tumhara”. We didn’t have much options then and whatever we heard, sounded really good including mile sur mera tumhara in various languages, and everyone sang all the lines in bengali, malayalam, kannada ,tamil ,hindi without even understanding maybe. The present day youngsters have too many options, songs , channels to watch and I am not sure if the “Phir Mile Sur Mera Tumhara” will ever stay in their mind. If it does, I assume they might actually like watching Vikram and Surya over Kamal and Deepika Padukone over Sharmila Tagore.

Madhavan, the actor is currently touring here, visiting various states for different events helping charity organizations. When he visited the bay area, I dragged Suresh into attending the “Coffee with Madhavan” event and was thrilled to sit in the front seat. The program was very good with my only grouse being that I couldn’t take a photo with him. My envy was kindled on seeing my dear friend K doing the same when she was not even a Madhavan fan and didn’t care one way or other, though it has waned now as I see facebook full of girls hugging Madhavan. 🙂 On mentioning this to a volunteer friend of mine, she was flabbergasted at my reaction. She knows I don’t usually care much for any celebrity unless he/she is a big time philanthropist or genuinely helps charities.And I said, “It is a teenage crush thing .A tiny flame is still lingering.” The one that makes you like any good looking guy in television including Maddy in Banegi Apni Baat,Sharukh in Faugi and Arvind Swamy in the Leo Coffee AD.
AH ! TO BE A TEENAGER..

 

To tell or not to tell

“I have seen cancer at close quarters. Even my dad was treated at the Institute, when I was at the tender age of 17. You know something…. for someone to go through chemo is very painful. I know everything about cancer.”

An excerpt of the conversation that Suresh and I had with an acquaintance , one of my fellow volunteers for the Cancer Institute Foundation. He was reminiscing about his father’s struggle and we felt sorry for him. I could sense that Suresh was trying to steer the conversation away from the topic and successfully did too the moment he got a chance. You could see a small genie on either side of my head , one asking me to share my C saga and the other shouting “Shush..Not now..” .

I think this is a question everyone faces , depending on the circumstance , whether it be their health,monetary or emotional struggle. Sharing it with someone may either make it better or worse. There have been times when I have shared my health history , just to pep up someone, so that they would not feel bad about their situation. Once, when I was helping a friend , explaining about one of my surgeries, just because she needed help and asked me,only to encounter a face filled with horror. Seriously, not something I expected and I certainly don’t enjoy talking about my past.I did it because she asked and really wanted to know.

Sometimes, you encounter people who are not empathetic though they might be sympathetic. And again, there are others who feel disgusted or depressing.Anyway, five years into remission and I am still not comfortable talking about it to normal people . I really admire celebrities like Lisa Ray who are able to share their struggle with the world, especially after reading some of the comments where people talk nonsense. Some people even post about Lisa in their blogs, not understanding what pain it really takes. It is very different to talk about it than experience and feel it, IMHO.

“To tell or not to tell” ! Sigh ! But YEAH ! Five Years !

 

Past Presented -II

Some more thoughts from my perusal of my great-grand father’s biography.

1800s- Early 1900s:

There was no concept of money then. People always traded things between each other. My rice for your milk.. My wheat for your oil…It was almost considered a sin to sell milk, food etc..You just donated it to the needy if you have in excess. A simple life, if I may say so. Yes, there was definitely a caste distinction, may be more so, but that didn’t hinder people from helping each other out.

Students had an unique identity in the society. They had a concept ,”Varanna” where poor students visited a designated house every day of the week for food. Apparently, my GGDad learnt a great deal by visiting various houses. “Varanna” means Vara – Weekly & Anna- Food. Kind of a mobile hostel when you are away from home for studies. Some households helped them with just lodging too. Lots of give and take , a totally different India.

Middle 1900s:

People believed in families and friends and sent their children out of state to stay with them , for studies. The concept of nuclear family formed. Money started speaking and became the crux of many a family discussions, fights etc. Both my grandmothers were known for their generosity . The house was always open for visitors and guests despite not being able to cater to even their own needs. Everyone was invited for food though sometimes the inmates did not have enough for themselves. A sad fact…I think the ladies went more hardships and managed the household at the cost of their mental and physical health.

Late 1900s:

All the daughters from our family studied out of state and stayed in hostels. None of us know the concept of a joint family. And yes, we all earn and money is still a major part of our life, though not the main. We don’t feel comfortable just barging into a friend’s house, without informing them first. It still goes on in the previous generation and I know of people who just drop in our house at Banglore, on the way to a wedding or a grocery shop. That is, a few.

2000s:

I guess with lot of technology advancement, life became all the more complicated though we might claim otherwise. We would rather text someone than visit.OK,…guilty..I don’t text.. And money is almost a backbone of our society.Everything revolves around it. Life seems to have been very simple a century ago..All one had to worry about was to stay away from plague, means to feed oneself and family, education if need be or if passionate. For this era,I can take myself as an example.I constantly think about swineflu ( OK, that was a stretch ;-)), how to progress in my career, my parents health,my health,when to be on my own( I mean my own business), if the gas is switched off( happens if you have OCD) ..you get the gist..

 

Past presented

I am reading the biography of my great-grand father. He became a sanyasi, a staunch follower of Shankara , believing in Advaita , has ashrams , the works…. He started sanyasa at age 68, after finishing all his duties/responsibilities as a father.I am definitely proud of him and will post a blog once I finish reading the book. I want to capture a few thoughts in various posts…

Late 1800s:

When reading about his lineage, it stated that he was one of 16 kids born to his parents. Sixteen !!!!? Yes, you heard it right.The book says,”Nanjundiah ( my great-great-grand dad) was very unhappy that many of his children were dying and so had 16 kids , out of which eight survived and Subbaraya( my great grand dad) was the sixth.” In those days, there were no medicines to treat the various diseases including plague, malaria etc. It was taken for granted that at least a few would die and so , the main argument between parents was on deciding how many to procreate and when to stop.Also, I suppose that is the only recreation they had, all at the cost of the mother’s health. The kids that survived were definitely the stronger ones with lot of genetic immunity.My great-grand dad died at the age of 95.

1900s ( First half of the century):

In the 1900s, apparently no Cs and people were still bent upon increasing the population and I am sure India would have felt like a vast nation then. My GGdad , not being too interested in Samsara and losing his wife at an early age had a total of only four surviving children,one of which is Sukanya, my grandmother. Even when she was born, not all diseases were treatable , but the genes were strong and believe me, she was one of the most resourceful ladies I have ever seen with tremendous stamina, though very small built.

My grand mother gave birth to umpteen kids, out of which eight survived with one of them being my mother, all hale and healthy. By then, bacterial infections were treatable and most of them survived. Not accounting the miscarriages.Again, all at the cost of my grandma’s health.These eight kids( my uncles and aunts) have reasonable genetic immunity and are going strong. My grandmother died at the age of 80.

Second half of 1900s:

Procreation was still in full swing in my Granny’s generation. In fact, my mom’s youngest sister(my aunt) is a few days younger than my cousin( the eldest’s daughter). Imagine both the mother and daughter being pregnant at the same time. Yes, it happened a lot and people went about it, without batting an eyelid. My mother is a strong woman too and her immune system is actually far better than any of her daughters. She has had two miscarriages and given birth to three daughters.She will be 65 this year.

Late 1900s:

By then, India’s population was on the brink of explosion and so the daughters decided to limit it. My eldest sister has two, second one has one and I don’t have any.Lot of improvements in technology where you could cure almost everything despite a plethora of new diseases. My sisters have small health issues cropping up. With all my issues,I will be in cloud nine if I can live up to 50.

2000s:

My take out… We all started with very healthy genes from our ancestors, which seems to have got diluted over the generations ….. maybe, we should stop procreating,live healthy and save the world.

 

Life goes on

Yesterday, one of my online friends from my support blog passed away. It came as a shock to all the blog members as she was the most cheerful, optimistic of all. I was in shock for a couple of minutes, but then got diverted by the various tasks at work. Will most probably forget that feeling in a couple of days…….People die, but life goes on elsewhere, all around us………

 

Back home from “Back Home”

Human beings feel secure following a routine. At least, I do.After 6 weeks of sabbatical spent in India, I am back home. It feels good to get up in the morning, go to work, gym , cook dinner and sleep. Yeah, a typical routine followed in every household.

Kids born to Indian parents in the USA are called ABCDs, American Born Confused Desis. Apparently, they get confused because of the Indian culture being forced on them.They are not sure if they should be American, Indian American or Indian. I agree, it does get confusing when every Indian kid is forced to become a musician or a dancer from an young age.Who cares if they are interested or not? Poor things, I have seen quite a few of them singing with a frown in my Music class. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about the kids now. That’s reserved for a separate blog.

I am a resident of USA and consider CAL as my home. I was very happy when my plane landed and was jumping with joy , just to enter my house, my kitchen and my bedroom. But, when I talk to my colleagues about India, my sentences always start with…
“Back Home, we……..”
“Back Home, we get really juicy mangoes.”
“Back Home, these issues would have been frowned upon.”
You get the gist…

Aren’t we confused either? Why blame th e kids alone?Having spent the first 24 years of my life in India, it is definitely still home. But, the nuclear life that is formed in the US makes me feel more secure. I get homesick after a couple of years. When I visit India, I get homesick after a couple of weeks. Confused ?? I would think so….

All said and done, a wonderful relaxing trip, a well deserved break and now to the grinding routine. Hmmmm… It does feel good to be back home from “Back Home”.

 

To You, from Me

While blog hopping last weekend, I came up on this post at http://jikku.blogspot.com and decided to pen down a letter to my teen-self.I am sure we all go through a phase of thinking, “If only I knew then….” .So, here is to her, from me..

Dear S,
Where do I start? Do I talk about the hardships or do I talk about the pleasant moments..Maybe, a bit of both. Yes,I know what you are thinking and I will come to the point.

I know you are studying electronics engineering, which you were forced to,by your sisters, but believe me, transistors may not be fun,but are interesting and you will realize when you become a hardware engineer.So, just embrace it as it comes though you may not understand it fully right now. And, don’t think you are not as good as your sisters. You will shine one day, with a graduate degree from one of the best universities in the world,for just being who you are.

When you start working,you will be on cloud nine and might feel the euphoria of being on top of the world, but,it is a vast, wild, rude world out there and you better learn how to deal with it. I know you are very brave but that is not enough to carry you forward. Rule #1:You should learn how to market yourself to grow in the corporate world. Rule #2: If you are in the right place at the right time, just grab the opportunity. It never knocks twice.

Now, coming to life, the only thing sure about life is death. Having almost tasted the feeling of dying twice, with two complicated surgeries under the belt,let me tell you, life is short and so if you love someone, don’t wait for the right moment as it may never come. Keep telling your parents how much you love them. Be content with what you have.I know you are arrogant, but as you will learn later, it never helps. Be polite to people and cherish your friends. They always come to your rescue and keep you going on in life,in spite of all the hardships that you might face.

I know you are waiting for your prince charming to swoop you into his arms and take you to a dream world…..well…here is the news girl, the prince is right in front of you or rather sitting next to you. You just need to recognize him.You might be bewildered to know that you will end up marrying that bespectacled boy sitting in the next desk. Yes, life does take astonishing turns but this one is a keeper. Believe me , as I have spent close to 10 years living with him.

Don’t fret over small things like a bad hair day. There is lot more to life than what you see now. I could go on about life, ethics, beauty,love, content, money….. but, in the end, you have to experience life to understand. It will be mixed with sorrow and joy and lots of love, but one that you will cherish.All I can say is,”You are who you are and so, be just you and stand up for what you feel is right as nobody is perfect in this world.”

 

Unconditional love

Suresh is out running his relay for the India Literacy Project and I am enjoying some alone time. I do miss him , even if it is for a day. This got me thinking. Is there such a thing as unconditional love?
Wiki says
“Unconditional love is a term that means to love someone regardless of one’s actions or beliefs. It is a concept comparable to true love, a term which is more frequently used to describe love between lovers. By contrast, unconditional love is frequently used to describe love between family members, comrades in arms and between others in highly committed relationships.Unconditional love seperates the individuals from their behaviours.”

When we are born into a family, we love our parents and siblings. Parents & siblings welcome a new born with outstretched arms and I think the love that we feel for an infant is truly unconditional. But, is it the same once the kid starts growing?A child has love for its mother because he/she thinks his/her mom is the most beautiful, benevolent person in the whole world . And that feeling is imparted mainly from the mother and her love for the child. It is more of a reciprocity from then on and to me, it feels like it is no longer unconditional.Will our love be unconditional if our siblings did not show any love towards us and are hurting us by their behaviours.
To me, love is a bunch of dependencies- emotional, physical or monetary. Unless we are dependent on the other person, there would not be any relationship. If we can be detached, then that would be Sanyasa. As children, we are dependent on our parents for emotional and monetary security. Reproduction is essential to the human race and it is a matter of pride and ego to parent one’s child.Once we fall in love, we are dependent on the other person emotionally, physically and sometimes monetarily too. It is true love as long as we give each other space but it is definitely not unconditional. Anytime you live with a person, you should learn to co-exist and if you cannot , there is a problem. People are ready to divorce their spouses if they are not compatible because it is someone that they chose but when it comes to parents& siblings, there is no choice . We never get a chance to choose them.So, we have more of a tendency to accept them as they are, but even that , IMHO, is not unconditional.
People always get mushy when they talk about a mother’s love and most of the time , that is termed as unconditional. Mothers & Fathers come to our rescue whenever we need it. I should definitely know that, having a mother who has saved my life by donating one of her kidneys. When there is a calamity, undoubtedly, we all go to each other’s rescue and parents top that. But, on a day to day basis, is it truly unconditional?

 

Genes

I’ve been reading about genes lately (inspired by the book “Next” by Michael Crichton). It is interesting and scary at the same moment to think about the way gene studies can emerge. My aim is to present a simple framework to think about gene research and it’s possible outcomes. By no means, I can call myself anywhere close to knowing how it all works out together. So, take my words with a grain of salt and pepper and some sambar podi…:)

The fundamental question is, what determines us to be the way we are as humans, the way we look and think and so on? It was found that, proteins in our body (consider this as a big molecule) is composed of a linear array of amino acids. Based on the proportion and alignment of these amino acids, one can determine the answers to the aforementioned fundamental questions. The linear sequence of amino acids (the strand of DNA as it is often referred) forms the so called genomic sequence. There are approximately 30000 genes in the human body. Doesnt look like a very large number now, does it? As a matter of fact, chimpanzees and humans only differ in gene counts by a meagre 1.5% if you compare the absolute number of genes. As a matter of fact, an earthworm has around 20000 genes. So, what does these count really mean? If they differ only by a few percentage, why do humans have an order of magnitude difference ?

For a s/w programmer, one way to visualise is to consider a protein coded gene as a big library module with individual strands of amino acids as various functions/methods within the library. For a given individual or an organism, at any time, only a few functions’s run. Each function has the ability to call functions from other libraries too. So, if there are 2 protein-coded genes which have a certain composition of genomic sequence, they could influence each other. So, the net effect is that there are various combinations in which they could interact. Environmental stimuli can also affect the way the genes work. In humans, one can think of it as more functions running which in turn fires a lot more stuff in the genomic sequence than other organisms.

Once we have that framework of thinking, the next question is where do we stand in terms of gene research. One central goal is to identify all the gene sequ
ences, which in human’s case has mostly been done and named. The next thing is to associate each gene with it’s associated set of characteristics and functions that it can do (partially done). Then, the third thing is to study the association between different genes (very much in the development phase). If we can do all three, then, for a given disease or ailment, we can figure out the gene sequence that causes it and then remove it or suppress it from the system. This series of study is about how an already grown adult can be fixed if there is a gene related issue.

The other aspect of the study of genes is cloning. As you might know already, the embryonic stem cell contains the entire set of protein coded genes which later determines characteristics of human beings. This concentrated potion that contains all our information can be obtained from the blood from umbilical cord during birth. If you have embryonic stem cell, you could take an egg and suppress it’s default gene-signatures and inject embryonic cells to produce a clone which carries the same gene signature as yours. Think of it, you can pretty much take an egg and populate it with the genes that are termed “good” ones and create a new being… What if you dont have the embryonic stem cell? What if the blood was not frozen and stored at the time of birth? Scientists have figured out that, they can use skin cells and still construct a clone… So, if that is the case with humans, what about inserting a gene or two from humans to other organisms to see if they can do what we do, like speaking or learn math or whatever? That is proven to be possible too… Infact, just yesterday, I read an article that says that, scientists were able to populate cats with a fluorescent causing gene which makes them glow in night (don’t ask me who in their real mind would do such a thing…ofcourse, it is the koreans…no pun intended..:))…

A lot of cloning related study is dangerous from the perspective that it could cause off springs with all kinds of defects and at that point, it is newly created human life at stake, which is why it is highly debated…The proponents claim that, one could develop organs which are a direct match to an individual and do transplants….Till a decade ago, what I used to imagine as fiction seems to be transforming into reality. Movies like Gattaca which focuses on gene based profiling is probably not far from future… Is it good or bad or ugly? Only time will tell…. You can too…:)